Unrequited Love

 Sam loves Lily, but she doesn’t see him in “that way.”

                I ache for the guy.   Sam’s never known a female like her.  She comes in the room and he slobbers.  Yes, he has it bad.   He tries to speak, some clever line found on the Internet, the genesis of a hoped-for romantic dialogue.  But the words just won’t come.  So he slobbers.

                Sam is about as regular as a dude can get.  Low key.  Blue collar tastes:  Meat for dinner.  A quiet evening dozing off the couch.  Mumbles and grunts for conversation.  Firm grip on the remote.  A quick walk to get the kinks out.  Early to bed…memorable snoring. 

                The next day—more of the same.

                Why did he fall for Lily?  Opposites attract?  Lily is a diva.  Who knows what she’ll do next—one surprise after another.  She’s salad and tofu quiche for dinner.  Mamba dancing at the club.  Screeching laughter.  Kickboxing class.  “Sleep when you die.” 

                The next day—paint the town blue! 

                Oh, and when it comes to male company, Lily flits and flops.  A recent antic:  During the vice presidential campaign debate, she fell head-over tail for Joe Biden, concluding that his bark was “thrilling” and his teeth were “so cute.” 

                “He’s so hot I want to lick his face,” Lily panted (really, she did—she panted)!

                Lily has shared privately that she might consider settling down with Sam, but she’s troubled by their religious differences.  Lily’s a Bible-wagging Baptist.  Sam converted to Islam during his first prison term.  This faith thing’s a problem, especially if any litter ones came along.

                There’s a whole lot more to this story than meets the eye.  (To be continued.)

Next:  The Comb-Over Brotherhood